American media celebrity Rush Limbaugh has been venting his political views on radio for many years.  It can now be firmly established that there is one topic he has actually been right about.

Femme Nazis are a fifth column threatening both Man and Woman.  Their supposed creed is that women deserve more and more privileges under the law due to the past offenses of men.  Their actual belief is that the battle of the sexes is personal: not just the mutual eruption of natural forces.  Empowered by the advance of big government, radical feminists have been relentlessly effective in gaining their share of new laws passed.  Do the empire builders for the 21st Century lie here?

1.  Rub her breasts just as she starts to get angry over men.  As she goes on and on, begin screaming filthy adjectives about her body.  This will be quite a surprise for her the first time you meet, but she may actually forgive this group of offenses (especially if you will do it again).

2.  Let her wear, for a while, the longdong toy she loves.

3.  Salute SS-style every time you see an image of Bill or Hillary Clinton.  Describe Monica Lewinsky as a whorey man lover.

4.  Slip testosterone tablets into her drink and then ride horses for a few hours.

5.  Enslave every man and boy in your neighborhood in a labor camp.  The banner out front might read: Work Makes Freedom!

But the actual numbers of nymphos is much, much smaller.  Even your author has met but three. That was enough experience, though, to cause the worst cases of raw penis and blue balls known to man.

It was enough also to make the following observations from.

1.  There is, in fact, only one thing that drives nymphos into a sexual frenzy: breathing.

2.  Nice girls with nymphomania are ten times more likely than the average woman is to consider suicide.  They are one million times more likely to give you a blow job just as a friendly gesture.

3.  Nymphos will get their pleasure with or without you.  They can come in their pants just standing there.  While you are waiting to recover your manhood, expect the sharper points in your apartment to get a wet massage

4.  Do not let a nympho anywhere near your other girlfriends unless they would not mind an invitation to a threesome with you.

5.  Do not talk dirty unless you want to be manhandled.

Since true nymphos are so uncommon, it is easy to confuse a horny slut with the real article.  Here are some ways to tell the difference.

1.  A horny slut will have sex with you in the men’s bathroom.  Only a nympho will do it at the main entrance.

2.  A horny slut will swallow with gusto.  A nympho will rinse her mouth with it.

3.  A horny slut spends time wishing it had never happened.  Nymphos spend all their time wishing it would happen again right now.

We all know them.  Most men have had an intimate relationship with one of them.  This is because bitches are so common: up to half of the nice girls and almost all of the bad girls. 

Bitches do not just want everything their way: They also have an urge to punish people.  Some have a quota of profane screaming to do.  Others impulsively stab everyone they can in the back.  Sometimes their motives are purely selfish.  Sometimes they are entirely unselfish.  When matched with a Nice Guy or a weakling, their control is total.  When matched with a real man who has a strong taste for domestic combat, you might have fifty years of pitched battles.  They just love it.

Remember that most bitches have a soft underside.  They believe the world is populated with human sheep that can always be herded, persuaded or tricked.  This miscalculation sometimes proves devastating.

So here's how to neutralize some of the worst effects of bitchiness.

1.  When the pitch in her voice starts climbing, you begin tuning out, including earplugs, if necessary.  A lot of bitches really do not expect anyone to listen to their mess anyway.  They just feel compelled to do it.

2.  Keep the liquor cabinet locked.  Bitches are almost always mean drunks.

3.  When you run into deception turn the tables on her.  Instead of going where she wants you to go figure out where she does not want you to be.  Surprise! Surprise!

4.  Try to arrange people and circumstances in a way where she has much more to be mad at others about than she does at you.  Make the sexy sister she hates a frequent presence.  Make prank phone calls to her on bitchy days.

5.  Having rough sex with her after a bout of bitching will only make the future worse.  Instead, go tie all of her pantyhose in knots.

I Am So Mistreated!